I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
