We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
