Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
