After last night, I could never be a politician.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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