just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
