i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
