Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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