Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
