Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
