You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
