weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
