Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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