Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
