It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I have tasted many bathrooms
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
