It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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