I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize