This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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