Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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