I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
