It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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