Tell her she can't have a vagina
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize