I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize