Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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