A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
