I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
