i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
