Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Randomize
