Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
two words...techno handjob
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize