ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
