i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
