I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
