i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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