Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
