I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
