If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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