What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I can't trust your balls anymore.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
