I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
