around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
