I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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