are you so shy because you have an std?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
