i jhust puked up my retainher.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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