I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
