If i come over, it means nothing
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Boobs speak an international language.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
