is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I could fuck to npr.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
