Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
