dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
