dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
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