does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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