Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
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