maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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