As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize