Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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