wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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