I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
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