wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize