1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
