I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
