did you get engaged???
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
