Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
