Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
We need a shit load of segways right now
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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