she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize