I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Randomize
