It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
