I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
