i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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