After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
