Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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