for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
