he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
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