it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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