No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
