i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize