Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I stole a fireplace last night.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
