i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
