There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
He did a backflip because drugs
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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