how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
