I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
