I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
