I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
he fucked my hip out of place.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
