I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
