I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
