porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
where does the pee come out of this thing
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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