im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
