College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize