the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
