id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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