Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
