Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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