You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize