Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
