bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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