Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
