I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
