Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
