I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize