nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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