He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
