Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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