just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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