There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
