Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
